The Naked Truth is always better than the best dressed lie. -Ann Landers
A reader previously sent in his question concerning the break up with his high school girlfriend and I responded in a previous Modern Love.(see that question and response here.) Below is his follow-up question:
Thanks for responding to my first post. I still fee like she did screw me over, though. What was the point of the promise if it was just in case she still wanted to be with me after the break? Our relationship wasn’t stressful in general, but there was some drama that exhausted us. When we were together and even after she always played on trust. “Will you still like me though (when we get back together)?” ”You have to trust me!!”
And so I did. I do agree though that it is supply and demand mixed with trying to get over me that did this. Even speaking modestly, I am a little more than attractive and I am confused as to why she didn’t think we’d ever get back together. Ever. I never did anything wrong and even if she didn’t feel anything for me there’s no reason she couldn’t again. She was the sweetest person I knew and she just isn’t a fraction of that. She’s taking relationships as a game and it doesn’t have to be like that. I know because I don’t. I don’t want any BS and my feelings are real. I feel like she just backed out and didn’t feel like committing to it again. My positive feelings to her were hardly to do with anything we did sexually. Also, her first boyfriend did the EXACT SAME THING to her so out of anyone this girl would be my last guess to do this.
Also, what do I do to cope with seeing her EVERY day? I feel bad every time.
This is the first, but it will not be the last time a girl breaks your heart, crushes your soul, and leaves you feeling like chewed gum stuck to the bottom of a shoe…used and annoying to the person trying to get rid of you.
Sometimes LOVE STINKS. But that’s actually the beauty of it all. If you never feel the sting of rejection then you never truly understand (or appreciate) the sweetness of love when it works.
This all feels heavy for a 16-year-old. You keep throwing that word “commitment” around. That’s a tough word for many adults I know, let alone a teenager. I know I said it in my last response, but you have plenty of time for torturing yourself in adulthood with the trials and tribulations of love. Have fun and…
So how do you manage seeing her everyday? You just do. Even if you have to fake it for now and act like you don’t care. Eventually you actually won’t care any longer. You’ll be too focused on your new, even hotter girlfriend. Trust me, I’m right on this one. Don’t keep replaying it all in your head. Sometimes timing is off. Sometimes people just need to work through their own stuff, and sometimes it’s just their loss for being stupid.
Chin up, Francis.
PS- I still don’t think she’s a horrible person. I just think she’s a teenager, and a woman. Currently she is cursed with this double whammy which makes her irrational, contradictory, and impossible all at the same time. When she moves out of her teen years, you can just add impossible to the list as well.