I love reader mail.
No, really, when your letters hit my inbox, I will stop everything to read what you’ve written…
’cause that shit is funny.
Oh no they didn’t…
Not only did this letter make my day, it made my year.
Here it is. The Best Fan Letter Ever.
Dear Angela,
First of all, YOU are a beautiful woman and I love your spirit and energy.
My Q. I am 53-year-old, female African-American, single mom. I met someone who came thru my day job at Costco. It has been a year and he said right away that he doesn’t want to get married again because he doesn’t want anyone to have control over him. He had been divorced for 4 years. I married the same man twice (My Kid’s dad.) Not that smart on my part the second time.
Anyhow, Michael and I have said we love each other many months ago and HE has this 5yr plan where we will live together after my last is of age to do her own thing…college, own home- whichever. I have come to realize that I do not want to live with anyone without being married. I have done and is still doing the giving up the milk first without buying the cow. He has disposable income thru rental homes and is busy where I am going to work until I am 65 because when I was younger I spent money like I was not going to make it until I was 50 and beyond.
He’s not the romantic, mushy kind of guy. He says stick to what we planned without changing things, and he doesn’t give me the call out of respect. Here’s the thing: the sex is so stupid good for both of us each and every time. He is 50 and I’m 53. Everyone says I look 35-40. I really could go on with this but here’s my question…
Should I continue on with this track and be happy that I have found someone who has made me have an orgasm more than I have in 15+ years and not only that but loves to travel as I do (he took me to NYC for my bday in October for a week) knowing that we won’t marry?
I want commitment, the security of it all. I don’t mind working but I also want someone to take charge and make my life easier. He has never dated a black woman and I have not dated a white man. Our love is different and very hot.
I used to strip in the 80′s and he knows this because I am a relatively honest person but I also know no one needs to know everything because it takes away the mystery. I don’t want to break this off because it feels good when it feels good.
I saw you on Millionaire Matchmaker today and I thought that this woman is so gorgeous I have to look her up.
I am going to find your serum that you are recommending because Mama need to have something. I use Botox on the deep frown lines, restylane to fill, bleach to the choppers, and work out three days a week to raise the shelf life of my tail.
What the hell do I do?
-Costco Queen
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Dear Foxy Brown,
He put his name on it, didn’t he?
Don’t be embarrassed, Mama. We’ve all fallen victim at least once…
He’s told you he’s never marrying you, won’t live with you for at least five years, doesn’t call you when he should, and, according to you, he’s getting his milk from the cow for free.
Don’t mind me, I’m just getting my milk for free.
Remind me what you’re getting out of this deal again?
Oh, wait, I remember.
You get to make the face. Often. And you don’t have to act.
You asked for my advice, so I’m going to give it to you straight, Foxy. If you were just looking for a few laughs and well, O faces, along with some all expense paid vacations every now and again, this arrangement would be hunky dory. But you aren’t. You said so yourself. You said those three little words that scare the shit out of men that aren’t serious about your situation:
I want commitment.
You aren’t going to get it from this guy. Or the security. He’s not committed now, and he won’t be 5 years from now. That’s 5 years of opportunities you could miss finding a great guy who will want to commit to you. Yes, I know that it feels good when it feels good, but so does a bottle of champagne when it’s going down. However, in the morning, it feels like shit. FB, you’re gonna keep feeling like shit if you stay with this guy.
Now, it sounds like Mama has it all together in the maintenance department. This means you won’t have any trouble calling in replacements. You can get the serum I love for $25 bucks at Wal-Mart. Talk to the man at Costco & maybe we can get them to stock it for even cheaper!
You’ve got a great attitude, and mark my words, you will have plenty of men coming your way. Don’t ever forget, you are the baddest Mutha in town.
Keep it tight, Foxy, Keep it tight.
-angela
PS- Thanks for all the love. Respect. Single Moms be doin’ if for themselves.
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